trapped in suburban burnaby right now visiting family. the silence here is suffocating, the comfort smothering. every lawn perfect. every driveway hosting the same three car models.

the last ten years have changed me so much. i look at this lifestyle and i just keep thinking, damn, i wish i could feel something, anything. i don't know how people do it. i don't think it's inherently wrong, but there's no way i could live like this.

i'm listening to headache right now, the vegyn project with the ai voice. it's truly incredible. in my mind i see this guy with a perfectly pressed button-up shirt, a simple web page from 2001, a cartoon image, a spreadsheet, a woman with her hair up that makes him want to jump off the golden gate bridge and start all over again.

and to me, i think, that's suburban idealism, being shattered by the reality of erotic realism. and i don't think erotic realism is this sexual thing -- i mean it as more of a metaphor for raw, unfiltered, fresh experience that breaks you out of the plastic mold we're all stuck in.

made a producer rpg in rpgmaker mv for aaron paris. honestly such a fun experience. feels oddly autobiographical - you're this broke producer making shitty beats in your bedroom, trying to sell them and get clout. i think a lot of people can relate to that grind.

it was a blast collaborating with aaron on this. chris kept chiming in with the most hilarious ideas that we had to include. there's something perfect about using rpgmaker to tell the story of creative struggle.

working on ratdrop has been a deep dive into webrtc. peer-to-peer connections in the browser are wild - no servers needed for the actual data transfer. the ice candidates dance was a mindfuck. honestly, i don't understand it.

biggest challenge was nat traversal. turns out some routers are not particularly cooperative when it comes to direct connections. stun/turn servers, blah blah. the whole thing was a lot to learn, but it works.

made this whole album in a week while catsitting for my friend. hadn't opened a daw in months, maybe longer. something about being in someone else's space, with this cat just staring at me while i messed around on a laptop.... it felt good to make noise again.

best part was oren sending me this ridiculous u2 sample halfway through. fuck bono, but the sample chopped up nice.

there's something deeply satisfying about monospaced fonts. every character takes up the same amount of space. it's honest typography.

monospace creates rhythm. your eye knows exactly where the next character will land. plus it makes ascii art actually work.